Growing Part 1 - Facing Potential

It’s been a while since I updated my artist journal on here, I’ve had a few false starts that never made it to publication but I’m determined this entry will not be one of them. My last entry was a year and a half ago and as you would expect, a lot has happened since then! I had entered my first glass prize and cast my first crystal piece. I had reflected on my journey as an artist who had started off so lost and gradually crystallized into someone made of much tougher stuff. So sit back and enjoy, this is gonna be a long ride!

Where should I start? I’ll start where I left off, with sketching. I had undertaken a challenge to sketch a handful of portraits each week, most of them reproductions of old masters so I could glean insights off them - I had started the series for various reasons, I missed sketching and painting, I wanted to warm myself up for the Archibald (a prestigious portraiture prize in Australia) but there was also another motivation that I didn’t want to admit. I was getting scared of glass, of how much effort it took to make each piece, of how long it took for each piece to come out, of how little success I felt like I was getting in that area. And I was scared of all the ideas I had built in my head and all the work, all the work, all the work, they would take and no idea where to start it all. So I fell back on something that was easier and more familiar to me. (Not that sketching is easy, I had just been doing it a lot longer than I have glass and they were much quicker to resolve.)

In the end what made me go back to glass was a brief trip with my Mentor, Kate Baker, to Wagga Wagga, where I was helping her install her solo show at the National Glass Art Gallery. It was an intense five days of installation work with brief breaks to see the National Glass Collection upstairs. It was exhausting and exhilarating seeing how many different forms glass can take and the more we talked about it and all the work the other glass artists put in the more touched I felt but also the more confused I became. I began to question myself, whether I was really content with sketching and painting when I had access to a glass studio. Was it really the most I could make of my prime when I was still young and strong enough to take on the laborious work of glass. Whether I would have any regrets when I didn’t. And on the quiet 5 hrs drive back to Sydney, I had a vision of what I wanted to make - the first seed of Potential.

Potential 2018
Cast Spectrum Glass

Potential was to be my glass baby (in more sense than one, I actually carried the idea and nurtured it into being with the same term of time it would have taken someone to give birth to a real baby - a full 9 months).

Like most of my ideas, this one was also a personal test I gave myself - after my last fiasco with my grad piece Icarus (a story I have yet to tell, I’m still recovering from the trauma), and an aborted attempt at casting a large piece for a subset of the Persistence series, which both ended in kiln emergencies and serious anxiety - I hadn’t dared to cast with a quantity over 1kg of glass. But as time, experience and knowledge made me a little braver I felt it was time I tried again. Afterall, how do we grow if we don’t face our fears? And if Potential was about anything, it was most definitely about facing my fears.

I have a lot of ideas for my art (as I’m sure most artists do), as I’m making one piece inspiration comes for another - it can take shape in the different avenues of exploration for a concept or it could come in the shape of a mistake or problem I need to tackle. Most of my ideas greatly vary in form and sometimes even the techniques required to make them, but they all have one thing in common... they’re out of my current skill level. Haha.

The beauty of it is that it stops me from ever getting complacent and to always set my sights higher.

A hint of lips in the belly of the baby with her glass arms covering the eyes of the hidden face.

There’s a little secret in the baby, it’s a secret because most people aren’t aware of it until it’s pointed out and even then it’s hard to see in its murky depths. There’s a matured face in its belly - it’s a cast of my face. The baby in a sense is all of us when we’re faced with a challenge we’re not sure if we’re up to; young, uncertain, vulnerable and afraid - yet unknown to the potential swelling up inside us, of what we can grow to come. But the possibility is already there.

The plaster positive cast of my face within the belly of the baby pre-investment mould.

A juxtaposition of the positive and the negative figures in wax and plaster right before the investment mould for glass casting.

Opening night of the National Emerging Art Glass Prize exhibition in Wagga Wagga, the ‘birthplace‘ of Potential.

It truly felt like a turn of fate when after 9 months of loving labour, I was to see my baby in the public eye; right in the place of where I was originally inspired to create her.

It’s a been a long journey and I’ve learnt a lot from her, challenging myself further in terms of figurative sculpting, mould making and glass casting but I’ve also been taught that I still have a long way to go - I had yet to work with crystal and if I wanted that face/potential in the belly to be fully realised one day I was going to have to once again face another set of my fears in my artist life, which leads to the second part of my entry… :)

What makes mona lisa so captivating?

Portrait Painting/Sketching as Storytelling

Many people know I have a very classical taste when it comes to art, not just in classical paintings but also as you may have guessed from my Persistence series, classical art forms in both dance and music. But today, I’m going to go in depth about the reason why classical portraiture is so different and special from what is produced today.

As a disclaimer I want to make it clear that I am not against painting/sketching from photographs (I do that alot) but I do not endorse working purely from photographs.

Have you ever wondered why the Mona Lisa is so captivating? People say that the eyes move, and if you look at the greatest portraits in history all of them seem to have life and a gaze that follows you. I’ll never forget that time I went to the Art Gallery of NSW with my dad, he doesn’t really understand much about art, but he couldn’t get over how the gaze of Ruben’s self-portrait. It was so life like - it seemed more intimate and realistic than a photograph. He couldn’t understand why, at the time I knew there was more to it than just techniques and lighting, but I couldn’t grasp how.

Today I believe I have found the answer after making copy after copy of master paintings in my 100 portraits series. What makes a Rembrandt so memorable? What makes a Velázquez so filled with life, when you look at his portrait of Juan de Pareja he feels like someone who exists, someone you could encounter on the streets. It’s the ability to not only paint a likeness, as most people would make you believe what a portrait should be, but also the ability to show you the story of the life behind the subject. Who were they? What were they like? And not, just, what do they look like.

A sketch of Velázquez's Juan de Pareja part of my 100 Portraits series on my instagram. It's said that this was actually a practice painting of a slave he did before he did the commissioned portrait of the Pope, but what's fascinating about this portrait is how noble the subject looks. There is an internal bearing about how the subject carries themselves that doesn't make him look like someone of lower social standing.

What I learnt from this sketch of Rembrandt was his use of tone treatment. He uses midtones everywhere in the face but the eyes are hauntingly dark. Self-portraits are a very special type of genre when it comes to painters, every time I've done one of myself in front of a mirror I always felt an answering touch on the part of my face that I'm putting onto paper.

And how can you possibly get that sort of depth and storytelling from a photograph? Unless that photograph was taken by a cinematographic expert, who knew how to interact and capture an interpretation of the character they saw. But then would that be your vision? Would you see and notice the same things if you met the subject?

Portrait painting/sketching is a conversation between the subject and the artist. It is a conversation without words, it’s a conversation between what the artist can notice and feel and a subject of what the sitter is going through at the time of creation. Everyone has a story, and if you look hard enough you’ll find the soul under the noise. It’s why studying the works of Masters is so fascinating, you’re seeing not only their skill but also the world through their eyes and hearts.

What makes a truly good portrait? It’s portrait that can tell a story, more than just what the sitter looks like. Or at least that’s the criteria I hold myself to.

INSPIRATION E MARTË (4) - Robert Greene

Since we’re talking about storytelling, this week I want to introduce you all to a personal inspiration of mine: an author of a book I often reread: Robert Greene.

This is the man that really transformed the way I saw the world from when I was just a nerdy little teenager trying to learn about how to pick up someone (romantically) by reading some ebooks, to a sort of...not quite enlightened but certainly more thoughtful young adult that really questioned the motivations and perspective behind certain actions people took. This is the author that penned: The Art of Seduction, The 48 Laws of Power and as you’re probably aware I’m obsessed with his book Mastery. 

This is also a portrait done from a photograph so in order to engage with the subject I really had to do research into the life and imagine the story of who they are if they were a breathing person in front of me.

Do you have a book that you constantly go back to reread again and again? Where every time you reread it just seems to unveil some new perspective that was there when you first read it, but it wasn’t quite the time for you to absorb it; the situation in your life hadn’t aligned enough to create that opportunity for it to resonate with you. As I am going through shifts in my life and creative career I’m constantly butting into new challenges and obstacles that can really disturb me mentally and physically, and in those times it’s really important to have someone or something that can kind of encourage and mentor you through it. For me Mastery was one of those books that I could really rely on to uplift and fuel me.

I don’t know too much about Robert personally, I’m mostly just a fan of his writing, but one of his personal stories that really resonated with me was the story of his life before he found his true calling in life: writing.

It wasn’t until he was 39 when he published his first book the 48 Laws of Power, which became an instant best-seller but before then he was really drifting around from job to job, going through an estimated 80 jobs as a construction worker, translator, magazine editor, and Hollywood movie writer to name a few. (Now I’m doing the maths I don’t know how he managed that...say he started working from when he was 15, that would be an estimated 3 - 4 short-lived jobs per year…)

But as he describes in his books Mastery, sometimes you need to go through all those things that weren’t really quite suitable for you to eventually find something that is perfect for you. I always joke when I’m introducing Greene’s works to friends by describing them as self-help books for people who don’t believe in self-help books. I’m a big fan of his writing because it’s so thoughtful, he really takes an observation and lays it out in clear points backed up with historical stories that are both really entertaining and memorable.

INSPIRATION E MARTË - (3) Pivoting from the bottom : Kim Brennan

One of the perks of starting this series is researching into the inspirations of my readers and either learning about someone who is truly admirable or finding a story in the lives of someone I might have known before but never truly understood. Sometimes the story is tinged with dark humour, sometimes it’s relatable, but it is always moving in some way, even if it’s just a little bit.  

This week’s inspiration was volunteered by my brother, Neil, a law student who takes rowing very seriously. So it came with little surprise to me when he nominated his rowing idol Kim Brennan, who won the women’s single scull at the 2017 Rio Olympics and who also happens to be a lawyer. How could one find so fitting a role model??  

My first introduction to her was a youtube video; a replay of her rowing at the 2016 Rio Olympics. She moved swiftly and consistently, the muscles in her arms bulging and making the unable-to-do-a-single-pull-up me very envious. But beyond that, I didn’t understand the finer points of rowing and while I knew how hard it must physically be to compete on an Olympic level, I couldn’t really relate. But because I’ve always enjoyed doing portraits of people I feel connected to, I did some further research into her story.

One thing I realised as I was drawing this portrait of Kim Brennan was the incredibly piercing gaze that athletes have. They always seem to be looking into the future and the potential the exists everywhere, this focus is something I love.

Kim has always been an athlete but she didn’t take up rowing until she was 20. Prior to taking up rowing she was actually a sprinter and a hurdler who was competing on a professional level. Going by how focused athletes are, it was hard to see how one can transition so dramatically from a sporting arena concentrated on the lower-body strength to another arena that primarily uses the upper-body. What made this 180 pivot? 

A devastating injury would be the answer. At 19 years of age she was told that her desired sporting career was over. What a thing to go through! It would be like a doctor telling me I’ve damaged some nerves in my hands and I can’t draw with any level of finesse anymore, as a teenager I would have thought it was the worst day of my life and at the time Kim thought exactly that. But now looking back and reflecting on the depth of emotional despair she had felt at that point in time, it has become her source of strength, it has become the best part for her.

It has given her not only the opportunity to find a new sport to go into but also the perspective for any future failures and dark pits of emotions. It’s something that once experienced and lived through becomes a nourishing well that one can constantly dip back into as a reminder that they can get through their current obstacle and come out stronger.

SKETCHES: BLESSING THE WAY OF BIRTH AND LIFE with Lana - (2) FRIDA KAHLO

Last Sunday I experienced my first baby shower and blessingways event. I started off the morning a little bit anxious, I’ve done life sketching before but never in such an intimate sphere. I would be entering a circle of love and care but as a stranger, an outsider, there to witness and record. I had prepared my materials the night before to cut down on any clumsiness on the day, I had with me: 2x fine artline pens, 2x medium aquash brushes filled with premixed ink, a roll of pencils and 2x stacks of 216gsm paper (just in case I messed up).

To give you some background, I was a surprise organized by Lana for the Momma to be (we’ll call her M). Lana is a close friend of M, and she had contact me only days before for this customized live sketching session. I was to rock up and sketch the blessingways ceremony (conducted by Lana from the Parents Village) and if M was comfortable, squeeze in a few nude drawings as well. (Luckily, being an petite young woman worked in my favour this time!)

Oftentimes we come across a mat of flowers and talks of energy beads and label it as hippie, I’m guilty of this myself. But it’s not until one actually experiences one of these understated rituals themselves that they truly grasp the meaning of them. It was an experience that made me see not only the magnitude of a birth that was coming but also the circle of love and support the new mother had around her, but more importantly it was a ritual that would make her see this without any doubt.

It starts off with Lana setting the tone, expressing that this was a safe place where everyone was not only allowed to be honest and free with the emotions but would be accepted with love. Everyone present would not only be giving support but also receiving it in turn.

A cute little detail in the circle was the presence of the mother with the newborn baby sitting directly opposite the mother to be. She blessed the water with happiness and courage along with her infant daughter.

This was the last ritual. Here M, the mother with the flower crown holds a bundle of red string, in which she wings around the wrist of each woman present 3 times. When the bundle arrives back the web of support she has around is made visible to her giving her warmth and strength.

The first ritual utilizes Dr Masaru Emoto’s thought experiments with water. Where positive and negative thoughts are experienced by water and over time changes their molecular structure, one prominent among them is the rice experiment. It works quite simply, one separates a batch of cooked rice into three containers label love, hate and ignore, speaking loving and encouraging thoughts to the one labeled love, spewing angry and hateful messages to the one labeled hate and the last jar was to be ignored. By the end of two months the rice in the one labeled love still looked edible for something left out of the fridge for two months but the ones labeled hate and ignore were rife with mold. The most common way to cook rice is with 2 parts water making it around 66% water based; just as Humans are 60% water, and the brain and heart is 73%.

In this ritual, Lana presents a cup of water that is passed around the circle. Each person blesses the water with a loving quality they wish upon the unborn baby, which the mother drinks at its zenith.

My personal favourite was the bead ritual, where a string was passed around the circle and each of the women in the circle would recite qualities that they admire about M and think will help her in birthing the child, adding a bead for each quality. The necklace was then tied up and given to M, being something that she could hold onto during the birth, reminding her of the characteristicsinnate in her and the love and support of her friends present with her.

Although I was only present in the capacity as an artist, I was touched by this gentle yet strong show of friendship as everyone opened up about what they loved about each other and allowed themselves to be vulnerable. I had only known them for two hours but I feel so privileged to be there for such an intimate moment that could only be cultivated by the trial of time. As I scribbled onto paper hoping to record the connection, I was strongly reminded by my own circle of friends who are constantly with me whether present or not. I was reminded by how they were there in times of need and how their belief in the person I am carried me through.

If you're an expecting mother or know someone who will be, I highly recommend this blessing way service that The Parents Village provides. It's truly empowering to witness and I can only imagine that it is even more so to be involved in the circle. 

To end this entry, I will be presenting the Inspiration of the Week, nominated by Lana: Frida Kahlo, a woman who coincidentally also sports a flower crown on her head.

Here, it might surprise you because I've talked so much about the bold, direct gaze of Frida, but here, her gaze is actually depicted away from the audience into her inner world. This is simply because I love creating portraits of greater intimacy. where the sitter does not feel a need to put a face on to deal with their outer world.

Most of us know Frida Kahlo as the Mexican artist with the monobrow, which she depicted consistently in her self-portraits. As a child who first saw her paintings on a poster up in the art classroom wall, I was not impressed. I had a monobrow myself, which while I was not bothered by, it wasn’t my standard of beauty either and there was too much yellow in my opinion (I have an irrational dislike of the colour yellow, it probably won’t surprise you that when I first saw Van Gogh I wasn’t too impressed either lol, though it’s since become one of favourites). But as I revisited her story when I was older, I saw past the bold, cool glare that she is always challenging the audience with and I saw a character of great emotional complexity and sensitivity.

It reminds me of a small anecdote Carlos Fuentes once made on their first meeting of Frida Kahlo.

Right in the middle of the overture in an Opera production, played in The Palace of Fine Arts, New Mexico a noise invaded the theatre that silenced even the orchestra. When everyone’s attention turned to the balcony where the noise came from they were greeted by the regal entrance of Frida Kahlo bedecked in jewels, necklaces, rings, bracelets and everything in between, all jangling with their own tune. To the casual observers it was all too ostentatious, but if you knew her and her story, then maybe you would be able to guess that they were there to distract attention from the weakness of her body. Frida had survived polio as a child, she had survived a bus accident in her adolescence that left her pelvis fractured and speared by an iron handrail. But just as her gaze was always firm to hide the thoughts inside, she dressed and carried herself in a way that made transcend her physical world.

Inspiration e Martë - (1) The Underdog Story: the Wright Brothers

I started an Email Newsletter not long ago but I have a confession to make. Now that I've had some time to unwind and look through all my previous emails...I can see how much more I have to work on...in terms of everything! XD

So in order to make this Newsletter more entertaining and engaging for you, I've decided to start a series that's more constant and inspiring. I'm an avid reader who really loves historical figures, stories and mythology. You may also know that I'm pretty obsessed with the idea of Mastery and persisting to that point.

Each week I’ll be sending out an email on Tuesday called Inspiration e martë. E martë means Tuesday in Albania, a small country next to Greece and Macedonia. The direct translation is "Of Mars". Each email will talk about one historical figure I love and what's inspirational about them. :) Accompanying it I'll also attempt a framed sketch of the historical figure. 

This week, my source of inspiration is a duo: the Wright Brothers

Everyone loves a good underdog story and what duo can emulate that more than the Wright Brothers; Wilbur & Orville? They were going up against all the odds. Who would possibly have bet on two young men who had not even received highschool diplomas, and whose funds came solely from their bicycle business?

And yet they had succeeded where all others before them failed; they had accomplished the long held dream of humanity - to take to the skies untethered. 

Orville Wright, 29/05/2017
Inspiration e Martë Series #1
Pencil Sketch

Wilbur Wright, 31/05/2017
Inspiration e Martë Series #1.5
Pencil Sketch

Building the first aircraft that would hover off the ground for a record breaking minute (almost, 1 second off), they were up against doctors and experts in the fields of engineering and aeronautics. At the time it was a race to see who could do it first, who would be the first to soar. The favourite to win the race was Samuel Langley, part of the Smithsonian Institute and granted an enormous government fund with the media tracking him and his team of experts' every progress.

With Wilbur and Orville, they had a team too, but none of them had completed highschool and there was certainly no media attention following them. Their funds were meager and most of the parts for their aircraft prototypes came from spares in their bicycle workshop! 

But they had heart! Every day they would work on their project and test out new frameworks, crashing down hills and breaking prototypes and sometimes bones. They were doing as much as 4 test runs a day! There was no money and little knowledge, but everyone gave what they had; they shared a vision and they were determined to bring it to life.

And on December 17, 1903, Wilbur Wright piloted their first plane at Kitty Hawk for 59 seconds, far ahead of any contemporaries in the field. 

One of the reasons I'm starting this series is so I can train myself up to entering the Archibald, which is one of the challenges that I've been afraid of attempting for so long. I'm testing out a theory here that if I draw enough inspiration (don't you love puns :P), I'll eventually get enough courage and discipline to counter my fears. :)

You can bid on these framed portrait sketches at a value of your choosing with the option of the story inscribed. Right now I'm really trying to grow my email list so I would appreciate so much if you would be able to give me a helping hand by spreading the word out there and getting anyone interested in receiving weekly inspiration to join us. Let's build a more creative community together! <3

I hope my journey brings some joy and inspiration into your life and I would love to hear about any historical/current figures or stories that you've found inspirational in the past. :)

With Love,

Nancy